CLOSING THE EMPATHY GAP

 RETHINKING MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH 

"Mwanaume unalia aje?” is a phrase many of us have heard or even used without much thought. Translated loosely to “How can a man cry?”, it’s a rhetorical question often meant to shame or silence men who dare show emotion. In Kenyan society, men are widely expected to be strongholds, unshaken, resilient, and silent in the face of adversity. But are they really that strong? And do we truly understand the weight of this expectation?

Statistics paint a troubling picture. According to the National Authority for the Campaign Against Alcohol and Drug Abuse (NACADA), depression and suicide are leading causes of death among Kenyan men. Out of 38,364 suicide cases, 79% were men, dying by suicide at nearly four times the rate of women. Alcohol-related deaths are similarly skewed, with 62,000 men dying from alcohol-related causes compared to 26,000 women. Data from the Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and Quality also shows that men are two to three times more likely to misuse drugs than women.

This crisis is not just about numbers. It's about pain, hidden, silent, and often dismissed. Many men suffering from mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) turn to substance abuse not out of recklessness but as a form of escapism. With no one to talk to, and living in a society where opening up is seen as weakness, drugs and alcohol become coping mechanisms a way to numb the pain when healing seems out of reach.

Kenyan culture has long enforced a narrow definition of masculinity. A “real man” is expected to provide for his family, endure suffering silently, and never show vulnerability. These outdated ideas have deeply harmful effects. They discourage men from acknowledging their struggles, let alone seeking help. Many believe that asking for help or going to therapy makes them appear weak or “less of a man.”

This has led to this; while 1 in 10 men suffers from mental health disorders, over half never receive any diagnosis or treatment. According to recent estimates, around 60% of Kenyan men dealing with mental health issues remain untreated. The stigma is so strong that it continues to silence those who need support the most.

Men also face unique economic pressures that compound their mental distress. High unemployment rates, irregular incomes, and the societal expectation to be sole breadwinners push many into chronic stress. Events such as job loss, separation, or failure to meet family responsibilities are common triggers for depression and anxiety. The pressure to live up to traditional gender roles often becomes unbearable when financial means fall short.

But there is some hope. In January 2025, Kenya’s High Court made a landmark ruling by decriminalizing attempted suicide. This move recognizes that suicidal behavior is not a crime but a public health issue—one that requires compassion, not punishment. The decision is expected to reduce stigma and encourage more men to seek help without fear of legal repercussions.  

In addition, Kenya’s Mental Health Policy 2015–2030 outlines ambitious goals for better access to care, especially through community-based services. However, progress in these goals especially ones tailored to men’s unique needs remains slow and underfunded. More targeted efforts are needed to ensure that men can access affordable, stigma-free mental health care.

As a nation, we must begin to view men’s mental health as an urgent and serious concern. We must challenge the toxic beliefs that equate emotional expression with weakness. Men should be encouraged to talk about their struggles without fear of judgment. Schools, religious institutions, and workplaces can play an important role in promoting emotional awareness and normalizing therapy and counseling.

We also need more community conversations that break the silence around men’s pain. Awareness campaigns, male-focused mental health services, and support groups can make a real difference. Media can also be used to tell stories of healing and survival, to show that vulnerability is not a failure, but a form of strength.

The phrase “Mwanaume unalia aje?” should no longer be used to mock or shame. Instead, we should be asking: “Mwanaume anaendelea aje?”(how is he truly doing?).it’s time we stood with them, not against them.